


Relationship Advice

by FrankenPup



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 09:11:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15139853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankenPup/pseuds/FrankenPup
Summary: Craig and Tweek ask an unexpected duo for some relationship advice.





	Relationship Advice

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off an old drawing I did forever ago. I don't ship the kids, but it was cute for this.

“Gah! I'm not asking them, they might shoot me! Stan always talks about his uncle being trigger happy!”

“I’m not asking either, they're weird.”

“T-them why do I have to do it dude!? I'll shake apart! GAH!!”

Craigs hands were stuffed deep into his coat pockets, already embarrassment over this whole ridiculous idea. Yet Tweek insisted they ask someone with experience on how relationships work. Both boys enjoy one another's company, and wanted to figure out exactly how they should work this out. A gay couple actually, and it was a lot harder than Craig originally thought. Mr. Garrison was always a bad influence, asking him for advice on this subject would be like poking a sleeping bear. Plus he just got back to being a man again and the last thing they wanted was to get under his skin, outside of the classroom that is. The boys weren't about to get extra homework because their balding teacher decided to be hormonal.

Tweek twitched, soft noises escaped him as they walked side by side to the far side of town where Jimbo's guns ironically sat snug beside Skeeter’s bar. Normally they didn't have a reason to be this far out of the center of town, but today was different.

Upon seeing the men outside the shop, Tweek jerked backwards, grasping at Craigs jacket desperately. “Dude they're right there! I can't do this, I can't do it!”

“Tweek, honey, calm down. Oh my god you're gonna tear my jacket off.”

Jimbo and Ned were lingering in front of the gun shop. On a short smoke break during the dead hours of the day while their normal customers went to work. 

Both men enjoyed a comfortable silence, allowing the disabled man to finish off his cigarette while it still glowed a fiery red, while Jimbo sipped at a cold beer numbing his fingers, catching eye of the two boys heading their way.

Nudging the smaller man lightly with his elbow, Jimbo leaned in to whisper to his companion, no more than a dozen or so feet away from the arguing children.

“You think they know we can hear them?” motioning to the young boys slightly, watching Ned’s shoulders shrug, blowing smoke out his nose, and remaining silent.

Both men now watched the children struggle with one another before Craig finally started pushing Tweek toward the adults. Stuffing his hands back inside his pockets while his companion twitched at his side, biting at his nails.

“Howdy boys, you're Stans little friends right?” greeting the two half heartedly. Jimbo recognized the two as some of Stan’s friends, but couldn't recall their names for the sake of only seeing them a few times in the past when Stanley came up to the cabin to play wizards. Sometimes asking to borrow Neds voice box for a short time. 

The first openly gay kids in South Park was apparently a big deal. It was all Randy talked about the last few days. Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak were the topic for days and it nearly drove Jimbo crazy. Even Ned would roll his eyes behind his tinted glasses whenever the two were brought up.

It was just odd to actually see them out and about considering how much they both despise the attention.

Craig inhaled, voice nasally in the cold Colorado air. “Yeah, kinda.” 

“Gah!”

Jimbo’s eyebrows lifted in surprise at the blondes outburst but shook his beer slightly, sloshing it's contents. “Jeez son we ain't gonna hurtcha. Unless ya sprout antlers and start eatin’ grass, yer safe.” When neither of the boys laughed, the overweight man chuckled awkwardly, kicked some dirty snow from the poorly shoveled sidewalk.

“What can we help you boys with? Need some ammo? We’re having a sale today.”

Craig shook his head, kicking at a stray pebble while Tweek continued to twitch despite being close to Craig, almost hiding behind him.

“Well, we were wondering if you could give us some relationship advice.”

This time Jimbo's eyebrows disappeared beneath his bright orange hunting cap. He desperately looked at Ned, who's expression was hidden behind darkly tinted glasses but it did nothing to hide his own surprise.

Neds voice box was buried in his Jean pockets, so Jimbo knew for the moment the wasn't getting any help with the situation. Having two pairs of wide expectant eyes on him had his cheeks warming. Along with implying he and Ned were in a relationship.

“Uh, relationship advice why would you come ta us? Me and Ned ain’t married.”

“Yeah, cause you guys are the oldest gay couple in south park. We woulda went to Mr. Garrison or Big Gay Al but you guys won't make it a big deal.”

Jimbo once more gulped, shocked more than anything. Yet Craig continued as if he didn't notices Jimbo's nervous shifting or Neds blank expression. While Craig was bombarding the two men with questions and Tweek was nervously nodding along, Jimbo helplessly looked back at his lifelong friend who had the smallest hint of a smirk on his face.

Finally, he gave a loud exclamation to get the awkward talk to stop. “Gee! I dunno where ya’ll heard that, but old Ned and I ain't together. He's my best buddy, right Ned?” Jimbo rather eager, gave the smaller man a heavy pay on the back before returning his attention to the children.

“But Ned was married once, maybe he can help you boys out?”

While Jimbo beat around this bush, Ned finally dug into his pocket, flipping his used up cigarette to the wet sidewalk, and the electric device to his scarred throat.

“Mnn- what do you wanna know?

Craigs eyes narrowed the smallest bit, taking note that Jimbo's hand still rested on his friends shoulder.

“Whatever, how did you make it work? I don't want all the kids thinking I'm gay just because I like Tweek. And we fight a lot.”

“Hey! You start it all, gah!”

No one would suspect Ned to be full of wisdom. It was no secret he and his past wife had trouble, especially when Ned went off to join the war in Vietnam. Sometimes things don't work out like how you thought they would. 

“Mngh- give ninety percent and take ten.“

“Like, my lunch money?”

“You're attention. It's OK to be happy for yourself sometimes.”

Craig bobbed his head with furrowed brows. Obviously taking the information to heart. “Mm- you're 10, don't need to have your life figured out.” Ned inhaled shakily “Mnn- almost 50 and I always thought I liked tits.”

“Mn- you're young, just enjoy your time together. Fighting usually means you care about making things work.”

Ned went quiet to rest his voice and he nudged his tubby friend “Uh yeah, don't take things to personally. I don't care for labels myself. Just be happy you got support! Shit didn't go like that when we was young.”

The larger man paled a bit, recalling the few times back in Vietnam men were caught having sex. It never went well. Some were even beaten till they stopped breathing.

Twerk finally broke his silent treatment to ask a few questions of his own. And though both boys were still torn they looked much more relaxed than when they first walked up. Even walking home hand in hand as they politely thanked the hunters.

Ned adjusted his scarf to gently rub his friends shoulder. Already feeling his inner turmoil “Mn-you did fine.”

Jimbo turned to his best friend, finally taking in a breath he wasn't aware he was holding in that turned into a hazy cloud. 

“Thanks bud, how the hell would two kids know about us?”

The one armed man shrugged slightly “Mn- the here kids aren't stupid.”

Jumbo huffed, adjusting his hat as he declared their break over. The shorter man did give a sheepish curve of his lips, patting Jimbo's back again as they headed back inside the store.“Mm- but they also might know because I might have also told Stan.”

**Author's Note:**

> Have a bunch of unfishied jimbo/Ned bits stashed around so I figured I would finish a few.


End file.
